Dealing with the loss of a pet

I absolutely hate that I’m writing this post as the first post on this website but this is the most important thing to me at the moment. As I noted in the about section of this website, I have (had) a Doberman Pinscher and Belgian Malinois. Unfortunately, Nyla, the Belgian Malinois, passed away on Tuesday, March 19th, 2024. I had taken her to the vet to get spayed and her heart stopped while she was under anesthesia – they were not able to resuscitate her. She had no known health issues; both of her parents were extensively health tested; she has never even been sick before. Nyla was born June 26, 2023 which made her almost 9 months old at the time of her death – way too young.

I was just destroyed by this. Nylas was typical for a Malinois: very energetic, nervy, maybe reactive but nothing that couldn’t be fixed over time, but most importantly extremely sweet with the people and animals she loved. Her two favorite things to do were to lay on the couch with me and go running with me. Each morning she was just bursting with excitement to go outside and see what kinds of things she could find to do. Her special skill was finding hidden treats which is a game I often played with her.

When I went to the vet, I was worried that I was going to have to see my puppy, dead and mutilated from the life saving efforts that took place when her heart stopped but she just looked like my puppy. Her body wasn’t even cold. I don’t know if that’s worse or better. Her fur felt softer but maybe that’s just because her body was stiff now.

Going home after that and the next few days were just brutal. Everything I did around the house or with my other dog was a first without Nyla. The first walk, the first time going through the dog park gate behind the neighborhood, the first morning, the first dinner, the first trip to the lake for marathon training. It almost seems irreverent or cold to continue with normal life things when I feel like I should just focus on grieving but I don’t know if that’s healthy.

This is the toughest loss I’ve dealt with so far in my life including humans. I want to be clear that I think human life is more important than animals but also a lot of humans have it coming or they’re old or sick so their death isn’t necessarily a surprise and you’ve already had years to adjust to what will happen. Nyla on the other hand never did anything wrong, always wanted to please, and was always determined to have fun. The fact that she just randomly died at the vet for no apparent reason is very tough to swallow.

So what do you do grieving a pet? That’s not a category of loss that most people recognize as significant. “Oh, Spot went to doggie heaven. He’s in a better place.” I don’t believe dogs go anywhere when they die. All that they have is this life and all that they have in this life is you. I find myself wishing that I had done more things with her, been better to her, given more treats, corrected less often but I can’t change any of those things. I can only do better with other dogs in the future.

I don’t really know what’s next. She’s being cremated. I would’ve preferred to bury her but I can’t deal with the thought of her being dug up by wild animals. Beyond that, I will just continue to be sad for a while. The pain is already less sharp than the first few days but randomly hits when I’m not expecting it.

The one thing I keep hearing from experts regarding the loss of a pet is that your feelings are valid. I do believe this. You can’t help that you bonded better with an animal than most humans. The grief is there and shouldn’t be brushed away.

Pet loss wasn’t supposed to be the topic of this website but today it is.